I Hate Wizards In Fairytales
by aroseofmanyleaves
Summary: Amy and Rory are having marital issues and so The Doctor decides to take them to Oz; but which one? And why is River Song's pinafore so damn short? 11/River and Amy/Rory. AU. Last part up now.
1. Dorothy

'I Hate Wizards in Fairytales; They Always Turn Out To Be Him.'

_Dorothy_

As much as he loves them, and he really does; they're both fantastic and brilliant, The Doctor was really beginning to get tired of Amy and Rory's _constant_ bickering. It happened nearly every minute of every day of every week for the last month, ever since they had tied the knot. And he hated how guilty they were making him fell; purely because, the bulk of the topics the Ponds had been quarrelling about were over him.

River Song glanced over at him, concern all over her creamy, textured face. She sighed out loud, also in annoyance. They were both completely exhausted after many sleepless nights. As usual, the majority of the 'happy' couple's arguments happened sometime around midnight and apparently, with all the TARDIS's amazing features as a time machine, it could not manage to conjure up some sound-proofed walls. River and The Doctor had tried so many times to reconcile Amy and Rory, tried every tactic in the books (apart from the actually useful ones that The Doctor had so cleverly thrown into a supernova many a century ago), but nothing was coming to a conclusion.

The shouting coming from the corridor next to the large, overseeing balcony that looked over the console rose to a most terrifying crescendo of shouting and screaming and yelling. The noise echoed off the thin, metallic walls and reverberated back into the console room where The Doctor and River Song were desperately trying to block out the noise by setting the engines on the loudest volume possible; but they could still hear a loud Scottish accent shouting in the din of the room,

'Rory, grow up! It was almost a year ago and it did not mean anything, nothing at all!' Amy yelled deafeningly.

The Doctor's cheeks started to gradually shift colour from pale, snow white to deep tomato red; he knew where this particular argument was going. It hadn't come up yet, but he had _known_ it would arise at some point.

'It was just a kiss! He didn't do anything, don't blame him! We had had a rough day, you wouldn't know how hard it was, and I just got a bit confused and upset and he was there and he comforted me.' Amy roared again against Rory's retaliating cries.

The Doctor then prayed to every single God that he could possibly think of at the present moment for Amy not to mention anything else.

Up above, Rory smashed his fist against one the walls in frustration and the TARDIS actually wobbled slightly from the sheer force. He plucked up some incredible amount of courage and said,

'You don't just go around kissing people; especially _aliens_. Just admit that you liked it!'

The Doctor slapped a hand against his head in annoyance.

'Okay, so me and The Doctor snogged and it was quite nice; happy now?' Amy snarled angrily.

The Doctor smashed his head against the TARDIS console three times before staring up at River Song, who had one eyebrow raised and was not even attempting to conceal a satisfied smirk. He out his hands behind his head and blew out in frustration and embarrassment. But even over the roar of the TARDIS engines and the yells of the Pond's argument, The Doctor heard something altogether more terrible. It was River Song, and she happened to be actually crying with hysterical laughter. Tears of utter mirth rolled down her cheeks, along with half of her mascara.

'Oh if you could see your face right now,' she cried out, slapping her hand for support against the console. The Doctor glared magnificently at her until, after a few moments of breathlessness, River Song calmed down, wiping tears from the corner of her sapphire eyes. River smiled over at The Doctor in amusement, her bouncing curls shrouding her face and waving crazily around in the air when she moved. He growled at her but couldn't stop himself from winking at her slightly.

Amy and Rory slowly began to dial down the volume and mass of their quarrelling and left The Doctor and River Song in several minutes of beautiful, _beautiful_ silence; the first bout of silence for three weeks and five days. The Doctor thanks every single person in the entire cosmos _ever_ for these moments.

The heavy clomp of leather boot against metal stairs sent shivers down both of River and The Doctor's arms. Amy Jessica Pond stormed into the spacious room, eyes puffy and rimmed with streaks of red. Her hazel eyes were bloodshot.

Rory followed a few seconds later, looking slightly ruffled and annoyed. His cheeks were slightly damp from tears, but not from the same reason as River Song.

Amy cleared her throat loudly, choking out a few remaining sobs and asked, her voice croaking and cracking,

'So urm, where are we off to then?'

The Doctor paused for a second before sending a 'help me!' look to River Song who smirked and beckoned to him. Amy rolled her eyes at The Doctor as River Song whispered in his ear and a bright, beaming smile appeared on his chiselled face,

'How about Australia?' The Doctor offered, 'Good old Oz?'

Amy smiled but then snidely added,

'Rory was going to take me to Australia, but he never did…'

Rory gave her a mocking, sturdy gaze,

'No, we didn't because I had to spend all the money on the wedding ring that you wanted.'

'But you won't even let me wear it!' Amy said back, her voice rising to a slightly louder volume once again.

'I don't want you to lose it. It was _very_ expensive!' Rory shouted back.

'Are you saying that I would?' Amy questioned furiously, scandalized tones seeping into her accusation.

River shook her head in utter disbelief and then elbowed The Doctor in the ribs painfully and gave him a certain _look_ that was desperately saying 'DO SOMETHING QUICKLY'.

Amy and Rory were stood, two inches away from each other's angry faces, glaring. You could literally see steam rolling out of Amy's ears.

'Well, erm,' The Doctor shouted, standing between the married couple, slightly anxious and nervous, before carrying on in his mad manner, 'So, off to good old Oz?'

Amy nodded in approval and The Doctor ran around the console, inserted co-ordinates confidently and efficiently, pulling odd levers, pressing random buttons and rolling the old time wheels which caused a few bumps and shakes. At one point, the TARDIS started to spin like that fairground ride that spins so quickly you get stuck to the walls, and this actually happened for a while before River Song ran towards the console and pressed several buttons before the TARDIS calmed down. River patted the Time Rotor soothingly and murmured,

'I don't know how you put up with him.' She also, whilst at a seat of power by the console, pressed the blue stabilizers and caused a look of utter disapproval to appear on The Doctor's handsome face.

The Doctor stalked over to River Song and whispered in her ear,

'Boring-ers.' She grinned cheekily, before a large ringing sound erupted from out of nowhere.

'What did you press?' The Doctor yelled, running around to the scanner which was flashing bright red.

'I didn't do anything!' River shouted back, 'What did _you_ do?'

'Nothing! I just set the co-ordinates for Oz!' The Doctor said frantically, desperately smashing a mallet against a broken button.

River Song walked over to the scanner and double checked everything The Doctor had typed and gasped in shock at one fatal error,

'But these co-ordinates; they're set for Oz but not Australia,' she stared at him in incredulity, 'You have got to be kidding me.'

The Doctor leaned in towards River Song's face and tapped her nose in secrecy, 'It's a team building exercise.'

'Oh, don't you dare bring me into this!' River exclaimed darkly, suddenly catching on.

The Doctor winked crudely, a smile catching on the corners of his lips.

Amy and Rory were still shooting daggers at each other, and had not even noticed River punching The Doctor in the chest and knocking him over to the floor. They did, however, hear him crash against the floors and began to moan in agony.

'Owwwwww, River! What was the point in that?' he exclaimed, pulling himself off of the floor in pain.

'I am not being involved in this.' She hissed angrily, standing only millimetres away from his face, but he could detect the tiniest hint of amusement glinting away in her sparkling eyes.

'River, you're going to love it. Trust me.'

She almost retorted, but bit her tongue and considered. Too many times, she had given him a billion reasons not to trust her, but he still did; she had to give him this one chance.

'Okay, fine, but none of your silly little tricks Doctor, or I swear to God I will slap you again,' The Doctor's face turned white in fear for a fleeting second,

'And what about you?' River continued, 'You know this is partly _your_ fault.' She said, pulling one of his braces and letting it collide with his recently bruised chest.

'I know, I know. But, here we go,' he said excitedly, 'GERONIMO!' he yelled, the TARDIS lighting turning electric blue and suddenly, River found herself being lifted several feet off the ground in a bright beam of white light. Amy and Rory were also picked up and started hovering and started shouting at each other in shock and annoyance, at once blaming each other. It was a transmat beam. Within a couple of seconds, River could see no one else and suddenly a huge flash of blinding light and she landed unconscious, in a heap on some sort of ground that was not the TARDIS floor.

Minutes later, Doctor River Song woke up feeling very dizzy and slightly overwhelmed. The transmat beam used in Stormcage, the one she was very used to, was _far_ more sophisticated than the one in the TARDIS. River sat up for a couple of seconds, allowing her head to stop spinning and then, very cautiously, began to stand.

Before she stood, however, River Song took a quick gaze around at her surroundings. The sky was an impossibly bright blue, there was not a cloud in sight; the sun was beaming and radiating warmth over every hill in existence. She was surrounded by apple green fields of long, sweet grass and seemed to be sat on a large, what looked like an everlasting stretch of yellow brick road.

And then River Song remembered exactly why and what she was doing here. Oh, _damn him_. She rose rather unsteadily and looked down to see herself in three inch ruby red sparkly heels with light blue ankle socks.

'Oh, he is towing the line here,' River muttered, not wanting to look at what else she was wearing. And then she almost died of complete humiliation. He had taken this miles past the line; he had taken this so far past the line, the line was not even visible anymore.

River was wearing a cream-white shirt that came to the top of her neck, like a turtle-neck jumper, with huge puff ball sleeves. Over the shirt, she wore an exact replica of the blue and white chequered pinafore Dorothy wore in the 1939 movie, The Wizard of Oz. The pinafore was exactly the same, only shorter – a _lot_ shorter. River put a hand through her springing curls, and when she wrenched out a blue ribbon from the top of her head, she swore she would've smacked The Doctor so hard he would've been out for at least a week.

There was only one thing that pleased her in any way; she still had her disintegrator gun, which was tucked into a pocket in her skimpy pinafore.

Taking one last ridiculous look at herself, River Song began walking up the yellow brick road in a northerly direction to find The Doctor, Amy and Rory, all the while thinking _He is going to bloody pay for this. _


	2. The Scarecrow

_The Scarecrow_

Rory's head hurt. It hurt for many a reason, the main two being a horrifying dizziness and stars circling his vision, and the other, a constant headache that had stayed with him throughout the last three weeks or so. He hung his head dejectedly, but accidentally rubbed his face against some sort of leaf or plant and it immediately began to itch. He went to scratch his cheek but found his arms unable to move. He looked to the left and then to the right and saw that his wrists were tied to some sort of thin wooden pole. His body was boiling, the sun was beaming down and it seemed like all of its energy was concentrated directly on him.

Rory then tried to walk, thinking he could walk and find someone who could untie him but also found his ankle tied to another long pole running all the way down his back. His waist was also attached by a large length of rope. He tried to squirm and wiggle as much as possible but ended up just toppling sideways and landing on a large surface of rich and fertile earth. He gazed around and saw metre high plants that kind of looked like crops. He was in a…crop field? His chest itched and then a sudden thought presented itself to the front of Rory's brain. He could feel hay brushing against his stomach. He was a scarecrow? Not literally of course, he could feel all of himself and the hay was just for extra stuffing, but he was a scarecrow? In the middle of a field. What on Earth was going on? The Doctor said he was going to take them all to Australia – no, Oz, he had specifically said Oz. Oz, Oz, Oz. Oz. Oz. The two letters flashed in his mind before another idea thumped its way into his head like a boot against his head. Oz, as in the Wizard of Oz? The Emerald City Oz?

Memories and recollection slowly seeped back into Rory's mind. He had been in the TARDIS, arguing with Amy and then…Oh my God, Amy! He suddenly thought, where's Amy? There had been a big flash and he had been hovering above the ground and so had Amy.

Fear and panic settled into his expression and terrible thoughts raced through his brain. What if she had been hurt? What if she was somewhere else, other than this place? What if she was with The Doctor?

Months ago, the latter might not have worried him at all, but now, ever since they had been arguing all the time, and their relationship had been turning down the slightly sour road, he worried about the two being alone.

Of course, River had always been there, keeping a very beady eye on the two, and The Doctor was obviously not interested in anyone _but_ River, but Rory knew Amy. She was confident and wonderful and beautiful. She was loving and caring and wild. But she was stubborn and unforgiving and sometimes so stone cold that it broke poor Rory's heart.

He often wondered how they had ended up together. He used to think it was because he was kind to her when she was bullied and alone and upset, but then he began to realise that there were certain similarities between him and The Doctor; profession and all that.

He knew that was the main reason why he had become a nurse, to try and impress Amy by doing the same job as her magical and brilliant Doctor. He was trying to beat him, trying to prove to Amy that he was just as could and could be even better than him. It was pathetic, he was competing for love against a man he had never met. But the way she talked about him, he knew that he would have to do something radical. He just wanted to impress her, but it still wasn't ever enough. Rory doubted that it ever would be.

Small tears began to dribble and run down his muddy cheeks. He hated himself so much, sometimes he felt so worthless. He was just the bumbling country boy from Leadworth who was head-over-heels with someone way out of his league and he travelled the universe with the man she loved who was just so much better than him.

Jealousy surged through his body and the tears kept on coming until his shirt was sprayed and his eyes were bright red.

However, after a while, Rory began to realise that this was not going to help in any way, shape or form. He stopped crying and, against all his morals and dignity, began shouting for help,

'Amy? Doctor? Someone help me, please?'

Through the racket of his thoughts, Rory heard footsteps approaching him, 'Doctor?' he asked again, 'River?' Rory asked tentatively, giving up all hope.

A sweet voice of incredulity came, 'Rory? Is that you?'

Through the mass of crops, Rory caught sight of a pair of sparkly, sequin encrusted red heels and a pair of long, slim, rather nice legs. He thought he thought the recognized the voice straight away,

'River? I'm over here; can you help me out a sec?' Rory cried out desperately.

River pushed her way through lots of crops, but ended up tripping over a particularly large plant. She pulled out her gun in frustration and disintegrated all the plants within a metre radius of her. She blew the smoke off the barrel of the gun and spotted Rory lying, face down on the floor. River ran over and turned him over. He spat a few flecks of mud out of his mouth, coughed and stared at River kneeling in front of him.

'River, what urm exactly are you wearing?' Rory mumbled awkwardly.

A look of annoyance crossed her features before she replied with, 'I'm going to kill that man. He may be wonderful but he isn't half stupid.'

Rory chuckled and then replied, hastening on, with, 'Urm, River, do you reckon you could untie me please?' he added meekly.

River laughed as well and wrenched open the knots that clamped Rory to the poles. It took some times but when he stood up, Rory's ankles were slightly crushed and so he wobbled slightly before falling over.

River smiled before pulling him up to his feet and leading him out of the crop field and sitting him down at the edge of the yellow brick road. Rory placed his head in his hands and sighed out loud,

'River, what are we doing here?' he asked curiously.

She pulled down the hem of her skirt uncomfortably as it had been riding up slightly and came out with her most irritating catchphrase, 'Spoilers.'

'I knew you would say that,' He said sadly and a little meekly, 'Ooh, and have you seen Amy on your…travels?'

River shook her head regretfully, 'Sorry Rory. She must be with The Doctor.'

'That's what worries me.' Rory said shamefully before he could help it, feeling guilty for the expression that had just appeared on River's face.

'You need to learn to trust her. She's in love with his image, not the actual man. She loves you more than anything but he well, wrecked her childhood,' River began explaining, 'and that stays with someone forever. It happened to me as well.'

Rory shrugged, 'But she'll never want to settle down with me. She keeps saying it; Amy will never want to leave him.'

River put a comforting arm around his shoulders, 'She will. Trust me. I know that man, better than anyone ever has does or will. He's fantastic and he's gorgeous and wonderful but he has no idea what it means to retain a relationship and in the end, everyone leaves.'

'What about you?' Rory asked in surprise.

River smiled wildly, 'I'm the one exception. The Doctor would never try or let anything happen between him and Amy. He knows me the best that he will for a long time, so it means that we can finally connect properly.'

Rory considered this for a moment, 'So, are you two together now?'

River shook her head, 'I'm still waiting for the moment. They say when the time is right anything will happen and so I'm waiting for it. I think I have to wait until Asgard. That's when everything will finally begin.' She said, smiling sadly.

'You really love him don't you.' Rory said, meaning it as a statement rather than a question.

'Yeah, I do.' River murmured quietly, not even bothering to hide it or pretend otherwise. Her shield was down for the time being.

Rory stood up and offered his hand to River, who gracefully accepted and pulled herself up, wobbling slightly on her too high heels.

'So, moving on, what do we do now?' Rory asked, searching around.

'Well, we've had Dorothy,' River glared down at her outfit, 'and the Scarecrow, so what comes next? I haven't seen the film in years. It always used to be one of my favourites.'

'The next is the Tin Man in the forest I think.'

'Well then, let's go.' River said excitedly, smiling away. She linked her arm with Rory's who replied with,

'Don't we have to sing? I mean the film is a musical.'

River's smile evaporated instantly, 'I get put in this outfit and now I'm expected to sing? No, sweetie, just no.'

Rory found it rather disconcerting that she called him by her pet name for The Doctor, but he took it in his stride and, arm in arm with Doctor Song, aka. Dorothy, he walked down the yellow brick road, his hay stuffed chest full of hope.

After half an hour of power walking and a bit of skipping on his part, Rory was beginning to get rather bored of his little adventure. They walked down the yellow brick road, past a little thatched house into a kind of forest, where the ground was flat and there were few trees scattered around.

River's nerves were on edge; she thought she had seen something out of the corner of her crystal eyes. Something was shifting behind the large oaken trees, something dangerous. She could sense it.

The sun was shrouded behind several storm clouds that had appeared as the midday light waned, but the temperature was still rather shockingly high.

Suddenly, River saw nothing run from behind one tree to another so quickly it may or may not have happened.

River pulled Rory by the collar behind a particularly large chestnut tree and slowly took her disintegrator gun, cocked it and shot behind a tree. A small grunt followed before a bullet came flying from a westerly direction straight towards River's forehead. She chucked the gun towards Rory who only just caught it, fumbled a bit, but then clutched it. The bullet was coming ever closer at a million miles an hour and just before, only inches away from her face, the bullet hit her in what would've been a fatal incident, River raised both her hands and caught the deadly silver pellet between her palms.

Rory looked in amazement as she chucked the bullet on the ground and breathed out heavily,

'Wow.'

River turned and smiled wisely before yelling, 'Gun, quick!'

Rory threw her the gun and she fired it in seven different directions, blinding flashes of lasers across the scenery in an instant.

And in front of Rory's eyes, a short little potato headed thing dressed in a metal suit of blue armour. One of them raised a stubby little arm and pointed his gun at Rory. He was about to pull the trigger when River jumped in front of him and shot the _thing_ right through his chest, killing him stone dead.

Fear crossed over River's expression, 'Sontarans.' She breathed out.

Suddenly, a huge laser beam shot out towards River Song and it sent her hurtling backwards. She smashed into the stump of a decaying sycamore tree. She smacked her head and Rory heard the sickening crunch of bone before a flash of severe pain flashed over her face, and she blacked out, blood seeping down her temple.

Then, even more 'Sontarans' as River had called them emerged from behind the trees and one of them yelled,

'We are warriors of the seventh Sontaran Battle Fleet. I am Commander Trey, the Bloodbringer.'

Rory held up his arms in defeat, and even though he was utterly terrified, and shouted, 'Can I just go to my friend?'

Trey nodded, smirking, 'Tend to your friend. You will meet her fate so very soon.'

Rory ran over to River and checked her pulse. It was slightly thready and faint, but it was still there. He stroked the hair from her face and pulled out some of his hay stuffing and put it behind her back, to make her slightly more comfortable.

'Wish me luck, River.' He whispered before taking the gun lying two foot away from River's broken body, stood up and fired quickly and efficiently at the three Sontarans, and by some amazing incredible luck, Rory Williams, the nervous nurse from Leadworth, hit every single one. For a tiny, fleeting second, Rory felt a kind of guilt but it quickly surpassed when he saw how much River was now bleeding.

He sprinted over to her and checked quickly for any broken bones. He opened her eyes and checked her irises; concussion. It wasn't too bad and she would wake up in about an hour. Relief spreading through his body, Rory stood up and left the unconscious River Song to go and find some water to clean her war wounds.


	3. The Tin Woman

Rory strolled at a steady, enjoyable pace along the yellow brick road, through the continuing density of the green forest. The shades of green were almost hypnotizing they way their tones blended together; the mints and the emeralds, the camouflages and the jades. Shadows were cast by the great sun, some stretching further than forever, some quite unnoticeable. Roots and flowers were beginning to sprout from the damp soil and tiny beads of colour dotted against his vision. He whistled a tune that was unfamiliar even to him, but his lips curved around the shrill noise. Rory began to daze off into his thoughts, still uncertain of what he was feeling towards Amy at the moment.

He loved her so much it hurt, literally.

He had walking for ten long minutes and the beauty and radiance and serenity of the place was already affecting him.

A large creaking noise, however, shook the foundations of the quiet and Rory turned when he saw and heard several startled birds flying off in shock from around seven metres away.

Cautiously, very cautiously in fact after the whole 'Sontaran' incident earlier, Rory slowly began to edge towards the noise. It came again, like the sound of a door with rusting hinges being forced open against its will. A muffled voice came, but it sounded strange and quite metallic.

Pushing aside branches a plenty, Rory wandered through the forest, following his ears.

And what he saw shocked him to the very core. He was in the Wizard of Oz, granted he had no idea why, and so he should've seen it coming, but his perception had slipped and somehow he had had forgotten. Or maybe he was just stupid.

The figure was like a statue. It was painted, or maybe it began being that colour, silver all over, even the face and hands. It looked like it was made of metal, tin most likely, Rory mused. He approached it uncertainly and his heart almost jumped out of his chest when he saw the thing's large hazel eyes flicker.

Hazel eyes? Also, several strands of silver painted hair hung by its face. The eyes were completely fixated on Rory's ever mobbing figure, emotion raging through them.

Rory stared, gliding over closer to the figure before his brain actually registered something. The Tin Man stared again, intently and furiously, and then Rory realized,

'Amy?' he asked in shock, eyebrows raised.

A moan erupted from its mouth and the eyes desperately glanced over towards a small can lying on a tree stump next to it.

Rory darted forwards, grabbed the can and sprayed it generously and dolefully into the thing's mouth.

A choking, gurgling sound followed, and a sputter before a clear, crisp Scottish accent, one he had missed so much in the past hour, began to speak,

'Rory? Oh my God, that thing tastes disgusting,' the lips moved widely and freely, but the rest of her body remained perfectly petrified, like it was set in stone, 'can you…oil me up?'

Rory chuckled slightly at this before he heard a disgruntled noise, and a now, slightly choking voice say,

'Oi, give me the oil or I swear to God I will slap you, you idiot.' Amy snarled as viciously as she possibly could in her temporary condition.

He picked up the can quickly and began spraying it in all of her joints and face before Amy, aka. The Tin Woman could move again.

Rory stood proudly, expecting a hug or something, but all he got was,

'What the hell took you so long?'

'Excuse me?'

Amy fiddled with the metallic funnel on top of her normally flame coloured but now silver hair and continued, 'I've been here for over an hour, shouting for you and you didn't think to come and find me?'

Rory looked bemused, 'To be fair, you did sound a tad muffled. And I was kind of busy being attacked by Sontarans, they look like potatoes.'

'So you didn't come and find me because you were being attacked by deadly potatoes?' Amy asked scathingly; she could feel her throat closing up again.

'No, I was with River,' Rory started explaining patiently, pulling the gun he had taken and put in his stuffing, just in case and showed it to Amy who rolled her eyes, 'and she got knocked out so I was looking for some water for the blood.'

Amy nodded impatiently, beckoning to Rory to spray her mouth again, 'So then, let's go.'

She raised her foot very slowly, as if it weighed over a ton, and then thumped it down on the ground, only inches from where she had started. Rory groaned in frustration.

'Amy, I'm going to go and actually find some water for River. Go that way,' he pointed in an easterly direction, 'for ten minutes. Look after her please; she's got a bit of concussion.'

Amy growled, not used to being ordered around by anyone, _especially_ Rory.

'Now listen to me Rory Williams…' she began, but Rory gave her the can and walked off in the opposite direction. She stared down at the can in anger and walked towards the East, whilst her husband ran off on an errand for another woman.

As she walked, Amy wondered why she had been put in this fairytale as the Tin Man. Woman. She thought back to the film. The Tin Man was the one with no heart. No heart. Did she really have no heart? She understood why Rory was the Scarecrow, he was an idiot, but did it actually mean something? She had resented Rory one time too often. She did love him, she really did, she always had. But The Doctor had also always been a huge part of her life.

Amy often wondered if she had never met The Doctor when she was seven, would she have ended up with Rory?

They had first met at their primary school on the first day of the second year. She was the new girl, the weird Scottish girl who had to go to a psychiatrist because she was a _freak_. Rory, the only one of twelve students in her class, was kind to her and stood up for her, ignoring the ridicule he now had to endure from the other kids as well. She quickly became friends with him and became more and more confident around him; and then she started making him dress up as The Doctor. He had accepted it at first, but after several months of being bossed around, he began to get annoyed.

But she knew he would never complain; he was already falling in love with her.

As they had grown older together, Amy began to become more wild and insecure. He had thought she might have grown out of it by now, but he knew she never would. He was her raggedy Doctor, the only being that, save Rory, had ever even begun to understand her.

As she clomped again, spotting River about twenty five yards away, Amy thought again. She was so harsh on Rory. She was pretty sure that he should hate her by now, but she was like an angel to him, utterly irresistible. He would die for her, and he already had, twice.

Amy increased her pace, but only as far a she could, and reached River Song just as she began to stir.

River unfurled her droopy eyelids slowly and was immediately blinded by the bright sunlight shining through the thicket of trees. She put her hand on front of her eyes and let them adjust before taking her hand away and staring in shock at the huge metal creature in front of her.

Unfortunately, the sunlight glinted off the shiny, albeit quite rusty, metal figure in front of her,

'River? It's me, Amy.' A faint voice cackled.

River smiled confusedly, 'Amy is that you? What are you doing in all that metal, it's boiling.;

Amy attempted to raise her eyebrows but failed rather miserably and continued, 'What am _I_ wearing? What the hell are _you_ wearing?'

River scowled, 'Everyone keeps asking me that. Yes, I know I look like a stripper, but there's no need to keep bringing it up.'

It took all of Amy's remaining willpower to resist from saying, 'and you're wondering why people ask you'. Instead, she kept her mouth shut (for once), which was surprisingly not that difficult, 'Where's Rory?' she asked suddenly, not noticing that her absentee husband was still well…absent.

River looked around at Amy and then said, 'He went for water.' She pointed to the side of her head where a long trail of blood was dried down the side of her unblemished face.

Amy tried to show her a grimace of understanding but instead found herself cracking out, 'River, oil please.'

River looked confused for a fraction of a second before realising what Amy meant. She took the can of oil from Amy's clenched hand and sprayed Amy in the face and all if her joints again.

Suddenly, red dots swirled and blurred in front of River's face and she stumbled sideways. Amy leant out her arms and caught her quickly before River mumbled, 'We should go and look for Rory.'

Amy looked concerned for a second, 'River, you've got concussion; you're not really supposed to move until you're definitely okay.'

'I'm fine,' River lied, placing her hand on a nearby tree for support, 'let's go find your husband.'

Rory Williams was sleepy. He had sat down in the middle of a yellow sunflower field to relax for a second, on the way to collect water, but he had found himself becoming more and more tired. He closed his eyes gently, not realising how much of a problem he had just caused. He hadn't just fallen asleep for the sake of it. He was a stupid boy, but he had been knocked out by stupid aliens and their poisonous knock-out gases. Damn Sontarans.

Amy had noticed him first. She had River Song hanging on the edge of her shoulder, just in case she had another fainting incident, and her body weighed several tonnes, but she had wanted to run to him, to hold him.

'River,' she choked quietly, tears threatening to pour down her face, 'Rory's over there…in the middle of that field.' Amy's voice began to quiver and shake, but not from lack of oil.

River stared around for a few moments, before spotting Rory and with a nod of permission from Amy, ran unsteadily towards Rory.

Amy's heart almost broke when she realised that she couldn't do the same. She was powerless to do anything for him; she just hoped he was alright.

River leant over Rory's body and felt his pulse as he had done for her earlier. It was completely normal, apart from it being a tiny bit slower than usual.

Finally, Amy reached her husband's body and she, regardless that she was at the moment made of metal, began to sob uncontrollably. She pulled Rory into her arms and cried and cried, weeping louder and louder until the tears freed themselves from her beautiful, albeit silver, face and into Rory's.

'I'm so sorry Rory. Please wake up you stupid idiot. Wake up, I love you. Don't leave me, please don't leave me.' She whispered, heartbroken.

His eyelids fluttered at the moisture, but Amy did not notice for all of her tears.

'Don't cry Amy. The Emerald City and The Doctor are only a mile away.' a voice came through a humungous yawn.

Amy ignored it and then realized who was waking,

'You idiot!' she yelled, and slapped Rory on the arm. He winced in pain but sat up and Amy yanked him into a kind, passionate kiss.

'One more mile to go until The Doctor gets a broken nose,' River murmured, kind of breaking the moment slightly.

Rory drew away from Amy breathlessly and smiled, 'He better watch out. I think Amy's going to kill him.'


	4. The Emerald City

One mile. 1.61 kilometres. 160934 centimetres. 1609344 millimetres. It was amazing how such a short distance could create such a multitude of problems. The ground was rocky and unsteady; the yellow bricks were laid unevenly and dangerously. There were fields of roses and sunflowers and lilies and tulips surrounding the little party as they walked, with blistered feet and metal boots, towards the Emerald City.

River Song had taken off the ridiculous red sparkly heels she had landed in this place in and was carrying them in her left hand, the other was clutching a medium sized white and green disintegrator gun, with only one partition of battery left; enough for one more shot.

It was still boiling, even as the sun was setting behind the purple and grey clouds in the horizon. The rays sparkled and a couple of stars were beginning to dot and coat across the sapphire blue eyes.

For the average healthy human, who was walking slowly, it took around twenty-two minutes to walk an entire mile.

But they were also accompanied by the Tin-Woman who kept rusting and creaking every four to six minutes. So they were three quarters of the way through their journey to the Emerald City and it had taken them a supreme total of an hour and twenty six minutes. Also, River Song had concussion and Rory had been kind of but not really poisoned into going to sleep to either delay their journey or kill him (who had done that? Why? They all had no ideas).

They could see the Emerald City in the distance. The entire city looked like it was on fire – green fire that is. It sparkled like a million tears in the radiant yellow sunlight.

_Gah_, Amy, the Tin-Woman thought_, so clichéd_. No one, however, could deny how beautiful the city was, no matter how much of a bad mood they were in.

Amy, who was the main reason for their slow journey, was acting like a walking aid. On one side of her body, hanging onto her left arm, she had a very slightly concussed River Song, who was almost back to her normal self, so almost back that she was planning what she was going to do to The Doctor when she saw him again.

On the other side, Amy was acting as a walking stick for her wonderful husband, Rory, who had recently been poisoned by someone or something and was still extremely tired from his induced doze.

'How much fur…' Amy began to ask, but ran out of voice and oil halfway through. She was really beginning to get annoyed by this whole situation. River, now, wasn't the only one who is now after The Doctor's blood.

River picked up the oil can and sprayed Amy in the knees, arms and face before Amy coughed out, 'How much further? My knees are killing me and I'm getting really hot in this _suit_.'

Rory blew out,

'It's only another ten minutes or so.'

Amy and River Song groaned.

The door to the city was wonderfully majestic, standing high over one hundred metres high. There was a large, brass knocker displayed obviously on the crisp, emerald door, and River rolled her eyes at how, again, clichéd it was.

Hesitantly, Rory reached out a pale, trembling hand and rapped the handle three times against the green metallic doors. They all jumped backwards in shock when a shutter in the door slammed open sideways and a small, timid face peered through, his leafy green eyes blinking a billion times a second.

River, as an automatic reaction, immediately pulled out her disintegrator gun from her skimpy pinafore's left pocket and pointed it at the little face pointing through the gap in the door. The face disappeared, but not before a trace of fear flashed upon it, and the shutter closed straight away, with a small _bang_ sound. River put the gun away, looked a little guilty and apologized,

'Sorry, he just startled me slightly.'

Amy rolled her eyes, 'Now how are we supposed to get in?' she groaned angrily, attempting to cross her arms across her chest, but got her elbows bent halfway in.

A playful smile crept over River's mouth as she raised her gun again, pointed it directly at the large emerald lock and fired a short beam at the door. It burst and crackled, a few sparks flying off of the door. It opened a tiny bit, and River had no battery left, so she sighed and walked backwards away from the door.

She began sprinting, in cobalt blue socks, towards the door, intending to use her shoulder as a battering ram and Rory yelled,

'River, you've got concussion, don't do that!' Rory yelled, trailing off slightly at the end, as the archaeologist smashed against the door, breaking the hinges completely and causing the door to wobble and then fall, over three hundred foot of emerald glass, onto the marble stone floor and it shattered into an infinite amount of tiny shards of glass. The noise was high pitched and terrible, shrieking amazingly over the silence of the sunset.

Rory clapped a hand against his forehead and ran it slowly down his face. River mouthed _oops_.

She carefully put her shoes back on, not wishing to step on any glass/emerald and walked through the large gap where the beautiful, shining door had been only seconds previously. Amy followed stiffly and Rory followed at the rear, fumbling with the hay in his arms and chest, feeling a bit embarrassed, flushing in his cheeks. He had a right too.

The first thing that Rory saw was a swarm of green. And then he realized that the swarm of green was actually a swarm of little people.

They were tiny and for the first time in this whole adventure, the world they were in was exactly the same as the book and the film. It was a swarm of emerald clothed Munchkins. Man, they were tiny. But very powerful River found out, as she, Rory and a very mad Amy were arrested and handcuffed.

The cell was probably the only thing and place in the entire city that wasn't green or had even the slightest shade of it embedded somewhere. Instead, it was brown, the colour of the bark on a tree trunk on a chilly winter's eve.

River was pacing back and forth, back and forth, and Rory was sat, on a small prison bench with his head in his hands. Amy, however, was stood in the right hand corner of the room, utterly frozen. They had taken her oil away when they had been arrested. They had also taken River Song's gun (which wouldn't have been any kind of help anyway, it was out of juice, needed some time to reboot), which she was _not_ happy about.

'Well, what do we do then?' Amy murmured in frustration, allowing herself three seconds to speak before her throat closed up entirely. Rory lifted his head up, but offered no answer. River completely ignored Amy, she was checking her arm and pulling little bits of glass out of her skin, each time drawing the tiniest bit more scarlet blood. She had a headache, a huge bloody headache. She had never had concussion before and didn't really understand that she needed to lie down. A sense of dizziness shrouded her blue eyes and, without so much as a groan or whimper, River fell to the floor and collapsed for the second time that day.

Amy's eyes widened in alarm, but she couldn't move at all to help the professor. Rory ran across the cell to River Song's lifeless body and pulled out some more hay and stuffed it behind her head.

Amy was shocked by this; she had never seen River so defenceless as this before, such fragility showing on her face. However, the Tin-Woman had noticed something else.

'R-r,' Amy grunted, trying desperately hard not to start choking, 'l-lips-s.'

Rory looked confused for a moment, but then saw what Amy was grunting about. When she had fallen, a small golden tube had tumbled from her other pocket. Rory picked it up,

'Lipstick? What's this for?'

River snapped open her eyes as quickly as they had closed, they were bloodshot and she could feel her wound in her temple reopening and trickling blood down her face.

'It's hallucinogenic; give it here.' She said kindly, pulling herself up on Amy's strong, metallic arm, amidst Rory's confused cries. He had never seen anyone before with concussion wake up and then recover this quickly, to then collapse again two hours later.

'I've got an idea,' River smiled sassily and vivaciously. She applied a thick coat of the plum coloured lipstick and yelled through the bars of their prison cell,

'Excuse me! My friend had collapsed in here!'

She tried to make her voice sound helpless and desperate, kind of damsel-in-distress, and within eighteen seconds a man, that was indeed _not_ a Munchkin (too tall) came running with a large gun. River had motioned to Rory to lie down and pretend to be out cold. And when the guard arrived and saw Rory, he stepped closer to the bars of the cell that River Song was so used to, and was at once pulled into a chaste, quick and rather startling kiss on the lips. River made it as short as possible and chuckled to herself when the guard stared in bemusement, looking kind of distant.

He handed over the chain of keys and River unlocked the door from the outside, after a few seconds of fumbling around trying to find the lock. She kicked the door open and was about to leave when Rory, who had remained silent on the floor, sat up and piped up,

'River, what about Amy?'

But River had disappeared; for the time being.

Rory looked around in anxiety, staring first at the empty, lifeless guard and then out into the darkness of the prison cell corridor. Suddenly, something was thrown out of the darkness and landed at Rory's feet. He smiled and so did Amy's eyes. It was an oil can.

'You know, I always imagined myself being a secret agent, but never when I was dressed in three tonnes of tin,' Amy muttered darkly through silver lips, as she, Rory and River hid behind a pale emerald carriage where the horses kept changing colour.

'Now, The Doctor should be in that hall just over there,' Rory murmured in hushed tones.

When they escaped from their cell, the group had decided it would be best to go and find The Doctor. There was no one left in this story (save the Lion, who had just not turned up. Lazy thing, probably dozing in the jungle) apart from The Wizard; and obviously _he_ would, was going to be The Wizard, the clever, self-righteous one who stayed in the Emerald palace when everyone else was being attacked by Sontarans (and they still didn't know what they were doing there).

Whilst the other Munchkins (who, in Amy's opinion, were still absolutely adorable, even after the arrest) were still cleaning up the remaining shards of glass. They looked rather disgruntled, their blonde and brown hair shaking everywhere and the men's moustaches quivered and fluttered when they all breathed out. But they were still singing merrily.

The trio ran very quickly, Amy lagging behind, but now only slightly, over to the large oaken doors before anyone turned and saw them.

Rory, who was holding the chain of keys, picked out the one that looked most likely to be the correct one. She was saving the beams that had now built up inside the gun after some time for The Doctor. She wasn't going to shoot him, just scare him a little bit.

Luckily, the key they had picked was correct and together, the too-short-pinafore Dorothy, the half-stuffed Scarecrow and then the again, rusting Tin-Woman strolled impressively into the grand hall, spotting The Doctor at the end of the hall, who was fumbling around with a sonic screwdriver and hadn't even noticed the arrival of his three companions,

'Hello Sweetie.'

The next chapter is when everything gets rounded up. And The Doctor sees River Song for the first time in her Dorothy outfit. ;)


	5. The Wizard

As soon as the idea had presented itself, The Doctor loved it straightaway – in fact he believed that it was quite ingenious. A way of getting rid of the bickering couple, but reconciling them at the same time, without him having to actually be there and get yelled at constantly by the feisty Scottish woman.

Amy had confused and bemused him ever since they had first met, that fateful night in 1996; the night where he ruined a young child's life. He didn't notice how late he had returned until it was literally too late. And then, she had actually forgiven him in exchange for a trip to the stars. For a while, they enjoyed each other's company, but when she had basically attacked him…with her lips, everything had changed. He had only ever wanted to be friends; he had lost too much to want to be like _that_ with anyone else any time soon. He just wanted to make up for his mistakes, but she had made it so difficult for him. She had been so possessive of him that he had invited Rory along just so they wouldn't have to be alone with one another. But then, he had begun to comprehend that maybe it had been just harmless flirting. So he hadn't mentioned it again – he wasn't going to get in the way of another couple. And sometimes, even now, he felt so, _so_ guilty for what he had done to Amy; he had tried to make her choose between him and the love of her life which he knew was not fair. But he wasn't going to compliment himself – something had always niggled at the back of his brain, saying _she'll always pick him, she loves him._

And then there was Rory. He was a good guy and put up with a lot of shtick for the woman he loved. He was genuine and honest, albeit a bit clumsy. Sometimes he felt so bad for Rory. Scratch that, he _always_ felt sorry for Rory. Amy was always cheaply flirting with The Doctor, like on the night of the Ponds marriage, Amy had asked for 'a snog in the shrubbery'. Rory had taken it light-heartedly, but The Doctor always suspected that Rory resented him for it.

Oh, and then there was Doctor Professor River Song; one of the most incredible women he had ever met. She had an intellect almost beyond him, she could fly the TARDIS properly, she made brilliant escapes, flirted incessantly like there was no tomorrow, and still managed to look stunning the entire time. Although he pretended otherwise, The Doctor loved how mysterious she was. She kept talking about how everything would change when he found out who she was – and he wasn't ready for that to happen yet. And he kind of liked her gun; he knew he shouldn't and he shouldn't keep encouraging her to use it as well, but she was so sexy and…sassy.

He loved to tease her back as well. When he had called her 'Mrs Robinson' he had almost made himself cry with laughter at her response.

And then, she had kissed him, totally out of the blue. He had, if he was totally honest, enjoyed it rather a lot and it had broken his hearts to have left her there, clutching at her cell bars. He had come to realize that they would be something one day, the two of them, together, would be something. That's why he picked her up again three days later.

He had only sent her with Rory and Amy so she could keep an eyes o them. They needed someone to protect them and she had a gun and common sense; she would be fine; although, he had paid the price already for the Ponds protection when River had punched him.

After he had beamed everyone to Oz, The Doctor had also travelled there, and set up a base inside the Emerald City. He had quickly gained the Munchkins trust with his "magic" and friendly manner. Plus, he had put on a green bowtie; how could anyone resist him?

And then, it had been a matter of playing the waiting game. By his calculations, they should have arrived three hours after he had dropped them off. Since then, seven and a half hours had passed and he wondered how did human beings do it? How did they just sit down and wait? It was so boring. But after the fifth hours, he began to get worried; extremely worried. So he had fiddled and jumbled up some wires and circuits to try and get some surveillance or just a map of where they were, but to no avail. He sat down again, but not before two hours and thirty minutes, a sudden thought struck him.

The Doctor ran into the TARDIS, grabbed some technical stuff and began assembling it. He was trying to build a portable alien scanner, in case something bad had happened to his friends. He heard the large oaken doors push open but did not bother turning around; it would be one of the sweet little Munchkins, offering tea again.

'Hello Sweetie.'

The voice and phrase made the hairs on the back of The Doctor's arms stand up. His heart prickled slightly and he turned around trying not to smile like a lovesick puppy.

River Song was wearing some sort of dress that was more like the length of a t-shirt. And she was showing off a pair of long, slim, perfectly tones legs.

'R-R-R-Riv-Riv…' he stuttered quickly, falling onto a desk and over his feet in shock. His cheeks turned the brightest shade of red imaginable. His brain turned to dust as she continued to walk up to him and he almost ran away. He smiled goofily and stared down at her legs again. He so badly wanted to grab her by the waist and kiss her sweet lips.

'Riv-Riv-er. How are you?' he asked in a timid voice, staring at her hips and thighs.

'My face is up here honey.' She said, almost sweetly, pulling The Doctor's chin up with her fingertip. He smiled embarrassedly, looking into her eyes but then…

_SMACK_. She slapped him shortly around the face, a sharp stinging and burning sensation running all over the left side of his face. That hurt a bloody lot.

'Don't dress me in something like this ever again.' She hissed violently, pointing her finger at him sternly and angrily.

He stumbled in pain, 'Wasn't me. Thanks to the person who did it though,' he murmured almost inaudibly, accidentally voicing his thoughts. He recoiled, waiting for another slap.

'Oh you know I can never resist you when you say stuff like that,' he heard a voice say, almost moaningly. All he understood after that was the fact that River Song was kissing him. She had her hand on the back of his neck and he, quickly coming to his senses, pulled their bodies closely together. Their lips were locked in a battle of superiority. His tongue was running all over her mouth and she sucked on his bottom lip seductively. Their lips moved against each other's and The Doctor's hand began to pull the hem of River's dress up. His fingers left a sizzling sensation on her upper thigh when they caressed over her soft skin. He began to place his hands on her lower back, pulling her dress up again, ever so slightly, when a loud, obvious coughing echoed off the walls.

'Excuse me, but aren't we kind of busy at the moment, well you two are already, but we have questions.' Amy yelled brashly across the hall, a look of disgust on her and her husband's face alike.

The Doctor kept one arm firmly around River's waist and turned to Amy,

'Amy, hello, are you alright, you good?' he said weakly, suppressed slightly of oxygen, 'and Rory, the Roman. Hello Rory,' He continued, waving slightly, 'and why do you have questions?' he asked ironically.

Rory dived headfirst into an explanation,

'Well, why are we all characters and in the Land of Oz?' he asked obviously, expecting The Doctor to know what he was going to ask.

He grinned widely, 'It's a team building exercise. Well a couple building exercise,' he corrected, noticing River Song glaring at him.

Amy nodded, 'Okay then. Second newsflash, Rory and River were attacked by Sontarans just before they found me.'

'You were attacked?' The Doctor yelled, staring directly at River Song and clutching her even closer to him.

'Yeah we were; but I got them all,' she murmured, pointing to the left side of her face where some of her blood was still new and sticky.

'Oh River, are you okay?' he asked lovingly, kissing the cut on her head and wiping away the blood with his thumb. He pulled her into a light protective hug and he stroked her hair. It was fine and beautiful and soft, it shined brighter than any star.

'Yeah, I'm fine. It was good, you should have seen it,' she whispered in his ear.

He smiled, she was so _modest_. But he then, ever so reluctantly, let go of her and clapped his hands together.

'So, Sontarans. How and why are there Sontarans in the Wizard of Oz?' he wondered aloud before running back into the TARDIS, beckoning for everyone to follow.

Rory quickly sprayed Amy with the remains of the oil as she had seized up again, and the three of them walked back into the TARDIS. Almost immediately, Amy turned back into a normal person and all of Rory's hay stuffed shirt disappeared. Amy raised her eyebrows questioningly,

'Why, and I'm not complaining here, have I changed back?'

The Doctor began explaining, 'When we're in the TARDIS, we're in a state of temporal grace. Everything reverts back to what it originally was and we can't be harmed. Whilst inside, we don't exist.'

The Ponds nodded, but River Song still looked blank, 'Then why am I still wearing this?'

The Doctor grinned, 'Well, I control the TARDIS and what it does or does _not_ do.'

River smiled cheekily, 'Oh so I get to stay in this then?' she asked, displaying a look of innocence on her pretty face.

'Oh Doctor Song, you bad, bad girl,' he muttered in her ear when she came striding up to him.

'I do try,' she breathed.

Amy rolled her eyes and interrupted again, 'You two really need to cut down on the constant flirting; it's getting unhealthy. Anyway, Sontarans. What are they and what are they doing here?'

The Doctor opened his mouth to begin speaking, but River beat him to the chase,

'The Sontarans are a race of clones, bred specifically to fight in their war with the Rutans. It's been going on for hundreds and thousands of years. All they care about is victory. They only have one weakness, a probic vent in the back of their armour which feeds them.' She said, sounding like she was reading from a text book.

'Couldn't have put it better myself.'

'Thank you Sweetie.'

WHOOSH. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. WHOOSH.

The TARDIS materialized after The Doctor had typed in a biological search for Sontarans in the mainframe computer, finding out where the majority of them were; and it had led them here.

River Song exited the TARDIS first, The Doctor following reluctantly behind. Unfortunately for him, his future self must have told her how to get to the wardrobe, and so River had changed.

She was wearing tight, flattering jeans (tight enough to keep The Doctor's attention) and a tank top, murky green in colour. She had also tied her bouncing curls back and changed the ruby shoes for army boots. Man, she looked good, The Doctor thought, admiring her shape.

Amy and Rory followed, both shaking their heads at the levelling degree of sexual tension between the two people on front of them

'You know,' River began saying to The Doctor, who was locking the TARDIS door, 'you really shouldn't leave the brakes on; it hurts her.'

The Doctor was about to retort when Rory asked,

'Doctor, where exactly are we?'

'Well, according to the Wizard of Oz, this is the castle of the Wicked Witch.'

Amy stared. The bricks were mottle grey and clumps of moss were growing between them. The building itself was very grand and extraordinarily large. It was beautiful, in a kind of medieval gothic way. But there was something very wrong, where were all the people?

'Doctor, where is everyone?' Amy asked, voicing her concerns.

He pulled his sonic screwdriver from his breast pocket and started waving it about, the green light flashing continually and the high pitched squeal ricocheted off the stones.

'There is definitely a Sontaran here,' he murmured.

And then there was muffled shriek from very nearby.

'Amy!' Rory yelled, turning to his left and finding his wife gone, 'Amy's gone!' he shouted at The Doctor who had turned around in shock.

'What happened?' River asked, trying to regain an atmosphere of calm.

'She was just there and something clamped its hand around her mouth and then they just disappeared in like a flash.' Rory babbled.

River turned to face The Doctor, 'Transmat beam?' He nodded in agreement.

'Rory, go after her, look all over the to floor,' The Doctor explained hurriedly, 'Here take this,' he said, throwing his sonic screwdriver over to Rory, '_Don't_ lose it.'

Rory nodded solemnly and ran off into the darkness towards the castle after Amy.

'How are we supposed to get in now?' River snapped when Rory was out of earshot and gone. The Doctor grinned, a gun held in his hands.

'Oi, give me.' River said sternly mockingly. He chucked it to her and she, from about twenty metres away, blew the lock on the front doors off.

'Nice work.' He murmured, as he watched her blow invisible smoke off the top of her gun. He grabbed her hand and they scurried towards the front door when they entered, they quickly ran into some sort of small closet when they caught a glimpse of a helmeted Sontaran. It raised its gun when it thought it saw two people, but shook his head and carried on up another staircase.

'Phew,' The Doctor sighed heavily, 'That was close.'

'Yep, it's exciting isn't it?' River stated, pursing her lips together in a wild way.

He swooped in suddenly and kissed her on the lips. She began to squirm, trying to tell him they had to go find the Sontaran, but when his hands moved from her waist to his face, she gave in and kissed him back. Her lips were moist and soft, and they tasted just like peaches; he loved peaches. Her hands gripped the sides of his jacket and yanked him in closer to her, 'We really shouldn't,' she murmured in between kisses, 'we have to…go…help…the others.' She moaned as he planted kisses on her neck.

However, their very enjoyable snog-fest ended quickly when the door of their closet was burst open, leaving wake to a very angry Sontaran.

'I am Major Daän of the Seventh Sontaran Battle Fleet, Daän the destroyer. You are now my prisoners of war!'

Turns out, it was the Sontaran who had taken Amy, and was going to use her as bait. The Doctor, River and Amy had all been locked in a large study. They couldn't get out because the two things that would've aided them were out of action. Rory, who hadn't been captured yet, had The Doctor's sonic and River's gun was out of juice.

'So, how did you two manage to get captured?' Amy asked curiously after ten minutes of attempting to escape.

The Doctor and River Song exchanged a glance. River's lipstick (not hallucinogenic this time) was slightly smudged and was coating The Doctor's lips.

Amy sniggered, 'So, how are we going to get out of here?' River asked, seemingly bored.

'You are not going to!' Major Daän said, standing in the doorway and walking closer towards the three sat on the expensive deep red carpet.

'Why are you here?' The Doctor asked impatiently.

The Sontaran removed its helmet, and Amy gasped in shock, and began,

'There was a storm. A space-storm, what you humans might call a tornado, but only larger; much, much larger. Entire constellations were being caught up in it and I and seven others also fell. There were eleven of us, but now I am the only one left.' He said, glaring at River Song for the latter of his explanation.

'So you sent ten of your warriors out after my two friends?' The Doctor asked. The Sontaran nodded, before The Doctor asked, in what Amy thought was a slightly offended tone, 'Why did you not send any of them to deal with me?'

'You have not been identified as a threat,' Major Daän replied shortly, 'but there are legends on Sontar that talk of an Earth woman who travels through the skies and destroys worlds. A woman called River Song, she must be eliminated, and she is a dangerous threat.'

Daän raised his blaster and pointed it at River Song who stood and looked smug. Daän cocked his gun but River looked him in the eyes and said, 'Do you really want to do that?'

And for the first time in his 909 years, The Doctor saw a Sontaran show a trace of fear.

'Please Daän. I can help you leave. The storm had passed, you can leave.' The Doctor pleaded.

'No. This land is good. I can use it and the inhabitants for resources and slaves.' Daän said, scoffing The Doctor's words.

'You can't use the Munchkins as slaves. That's not fair!' Amy yelled.

'The moral injustice does not faze me. My ship must be repaired and they will do it, Halfling.'

The Doctor was standing by River Song, looking slightly afraid of her. if she could make a Sontaran quiver in its boots and a Dalek beg for mercy; she must be dangerous. And then, he had another brainwave,

'Daän, I challenge you to a duel. If I win, I will help you fix your ship and you have to leave. If you win, then I'll stop in another one of my eight ways.'

'Doctor, no you can't do that!' River yelled, running the four metres over to him, 'Doctor, you can't fight a Sontaran! They're ultimate fighting machines! You can't you're going to die!'

The Doctor turned to her, a kind of sad, lopsided smirk on his face, 'Look after Amy and Rory.'

Major Daän replied, 'If you wish. But know that you will never win, you will die! If you lose I will kill your friend!' he roared, pointing his gun at River Song

The Doctor wrenched a sword out of a coat of arms hanging, lopsided, on the floor. The Sontaran did also and the battle began.

They swung the long pieces of iron and clashed violently against one another. The Sontaran jabbed at his side and The Doctor jumped back and yelped. The blade in his hand felt cold and wrong, but he wasn't about the let River die on his watch. He raised the sword high in the room and then brought it clanging down to Earth, only to have it knocked out of his hands. He scrambled to pick it up, clashing violently against the Sontaran merciless attacks. The two swords clashed together, a huge ringing sound echoing off the hall walls. The Doctor clutched the sword tighter in his right hand and swiped at Daän, but he reflected it and jabbed The Doctor on the arm. He almost roared in pain and dropped the sword immediately.

The Sontaran pushed him to the ground and raised his sword up and brought it plunging down onto his chest cavity. But before he did, River yelled,

'Stop it now!'

The Sontaran laughed evilly and responded with, 'We had a deal, and we must uphold our honour.' He then slammed the sword down, but luckily, only centimetres from The Doctor's face, Major Daän collapsed and fell sideways and blacked out.

The Doctor jumped up, but very slowly, a tiny stream of blood pouring from his waist. River ran over to him and put an arm around his shoulders and helped him stand up.

'What happened?' The Doctor asked loudly, searching the room for an explanation.

And then, at the doorway, stood Rory Williams, looking utterly bemused.

The Doctor looked down at the Sontaran and saw the remains of a water balloon lying next to its head.

'A water balloon on the probic vent? Rory Williams, you are a genius!' The Doctor yelled happily, running over and hugging him.

Rory shifted embarrassedly, 'I was just trying to distract it.' Amy threw her arms around his neck and kissed him gently on the cheek.

'Doctor!' River shouted, 'You've got to put him in his space-pod and fix it before he wakes up!'

He ran over and looked her up and down, 'You're right, but first…' he trailed off and he leaned in to meet her lips.

Major Daän was gone, the Munchkins were safe again, The Ponds were reconciled and the Doctor and River Song had both admitted to each other how much they liked each other.

Running around the TARDIS console, The Doctor input new co-ordinates and pressed more random buttons, ignoring River's cries of warning.

'So, who enjoyed the team building exercise?' The Doctor began contentedly.

Amy smacked him on the back of the head with a rolled up newspaper she had taken out of the archive.

'So, not so much then?' The Doctor responded, 'Where shall we go next?'

'Why don't we go ruin another movie?' River suggested, winking at The Doctor. They edged closer together slightly and he slinked an arm around her waist.

Amy and Rory looked meaningfully at each other and they both left the console room, sniggering secretly.

River leaned in and kissed him gently, intending it to only last a few seconds, but he carried it on, enjoying the taste of her peachy lipstick on his mouth. She retaliated and their passion ran through their mouths. He began to feel dreamy and light-headed, like he was floating,

'River, is this lipstick hallucinogenic?' he asked, placing a kiss on the tip of her nose.

She winked at him, 'Why don't you taste it again and find out?' she whispered cheekily.

The Doctor leant in and locked lips with River again, not caring that his newly reconciled couple on board were watching and laughing at the two time travellers kissing for the fourth time in an hour.

'So,' River asked, 'which musical shall we intrude upon this time?'

'Let's finish up here first' The Doctor muttered, pulling off his bowtie and chucking it on the other side of the console.

'Yeah, I think that would be good.'

'I fixed everything. I guess I'm like the Wizard, hey?' the Doctor asked smugly.

Rive rolled her eyes, and before passionately kissing him again she said, 'I hate good wizards in fairytales, they always turn out to be you.'


End file.
